Letter 7: Life is short

Dear 16 Year Old Self...

I write you with very sad news today... We found out on Monday that one of our friends, Ilan Blecher, passed away. At nineteen, his life was taken in a freak accident.

It's not right... Its not okay. We always hear stories about kids dying in falls and in accidents and in shoot outs etc... but we never really consider the story because it doesn't affect us at all. On Tuesday there was a picture of a boy on the front page of the Cape Argus with a headline reading: Fatal Fall: Teen's Body Found. And it struck me pretty hard to realise It wasn't a story about some kid in Cape Town I never knew before, It was a kid I knew, a kid I spent high school with.

You're pretty close with Ilan when you're 16, but you guys do drift. Your friendship groups change and you become different people... But that's okay, that happens. It's just hard to think of all the good times we shared when we were 16 and the fact that 3 years later....he would be gone.

Ilan lived for each day. He always wore the brightest and biggest smile ever. He was never one to hold a grudge and never forgot to greet when he walked past. He was passionate about life and people and their dreams. I remember a conversation we had in matric where I told him  that I was going to study performing arts this year, and he seemed genuinely excited for me. Its people like him that inspire others to chase after their dreams. The world needs more people like him...

I wonder what he would have done if he had known he only had 19 years left to live... would he have done anything differently? Drop out of high school and see the world? Pursue items on a bucket list? I don't know. And that's what's hard about death. It can take you at any time, any place, any where and you just never know when it's going to be your last day on earth. It's a scary thought. I mean at 19, there's so much more I still want to achieve and do with my life. There's so many possibilities we haven't even had the chance to consider.

Ilan was taken too soon, but he lived a full life lead with happiness and just being free. And his death has affected so many lives. So many people were touched by his life and presence even if all they knew about him was that he was the guy at UCT who always greeted. Whether you knew him well or just as an acquaintance his personality and love for living life touched so many hearts it's insane. I see statuses about him, friends sharing fond memories with him and talking about what a great person he is... and that's pretty amazing... No one has anything bad to say about him, because he was a good person. One of the best.

If you died today? What will people say about you? What will they remember about you? Will it be positive or negative thoughts? Will people even think about you after you die? There are all questions that I asked myself this week... I realised it's your duty to live a life worth remembering, like Ilan's. A life worth appreciating. A life that was full, so that one day when your time comes, you can say you have no regrets.

Life is too short. Live for today. If you want something, go get it. If you love someone tell them.... you never know when you'll get a chance to do these things again. So do it now. Live for now.

Westerford Class of 2012 lost one of it's best this week.
Ilan we loved, we love you. And you're missed more than you can even imagine.

Love,
19 Year Old Nadine.

Letter 6: Heartbreak

Dear 16 year old self,

Heartbreak sucks. Doesn't matter how old you are or whether it's your first, second or third heartbreak, the amount of pain endured through each remains the same.... If not more.

Heartbreaks usually mean the end of something. The end of a life with a particular person, the end of memories and future plans. It's a time in your life where it feels like an atomic bomb has been set off in your personal bubble and you're the only one who can feel the damage caused. It sucks. 

The thing is that heart break happens everywhere in the world. Everyday to people all over. You're not the first to go through a heartbreak and you won't be the last.... So why do we always feel so alone in times like these. 

Why do we feel like its the end of the world? Why do we get annoyed that life is going on around us when ours seems to be coming to an end....? 

You know why?

Cause life does go on. 

Heartbreak isn't just an end. It's a chance at a new beginning. And how many opportunities do u get in life to start over? Not many. 

It doesn't matter how much u love someone.... How much you believe you're meant to be with someone...if its over... Sometimes you just have to accept that it's over and that you've done all that you could and that there was nothing more you could have done. That's when u decide to move on.... And live your life. And it's hard. It's so incredibly hard. But that's life: it's hard.

I wish I could give u tips for dealing with this... But I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Just remember you're not alone, you've got your friends and family, people who care and love u no matter what.... And you've got your whole life ahead of you to fall in and out of love over and over. You don't know what the future holds.... One door closes so that another can open, that's what they say right? So far that hasn't been wrong. 

The best way to deal with heartbreak is to do just that. Deal with it. The only way out is through. So don't run away from this: cry as much as you like, listen to sad and depressing music, write in your diary, eat fatty foods. Do whatever you need to do to get through this at your own pace. Get through it one day at a time... Because one day, you're Gana wake up.... And that hole will be gone. You'll be able to say "I'm okay" and mean it. I know this because I've been through it before and I'm going through it right now again.

You never get used to heartbreaks... You just get stronger with each one. 

So if you've lost some one you love, just remember you're one heart break closer to finding your happy ending.

You just gotta have a little faith in the bigger picture. 

"what is meant to be will be...."

You'll be okay. 

Love,

19 year old Nadine

Letter 5: Don't judge a book by it's cover

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

I've always had an issue with judging people before I actually knew them, especially as I got older. My main problems were with the young teenagers; the 13 to 15 year olds. I just used to get so annoyed with them. With their mediocre problems, short skirts and heavily made up faces. When I was around girls that age, I would often roll my eyes in annoyance and try to get out of the room as soon as possible.

It wasn't until last year that I had my eyes opened. We were doing this thing in drama at Theatre school, where each girl had to go up in front of the class and speak about who they are. When we got the task we all prepared these typical "Who Am I" speeches. But one by one, as the girls went up, they realised in front of a group of people talking about who you are, you were extremely vulnerable.  Many of the girls, including myself, cried while we were in front of the class, saying things, speaking about things we hadn't really even considered were bothering us until that moment we were put on the spot.

It was interesting, because the age gap in the class was pretty vast. The youngest was 12 and the oldest was 18 (Me and a few of the other girls at the time). We were all at different stages in life, and everyone's story broke my heart. I sat there listening to these 14 year old girls who I had judged before, but when they sat there telling us their story I just wanted to get up and hug them and tell them it was going to be okay. That's when I realised that when I was that age, I really felt like everything was the end of the world... and my problems weren't even as big as theirs are.

My point is, everyone is dealing with their own "end of the world", the most secure person you know may be the one who is dying inside. It's easy to judge someone by just looking at them, it takes a big person to actually ask and find out why a certain person is the way they are. Just because someone is younger than you doesn't mean their problems are smaller than yours.

Your life begins where your comfort zone ends. If there's someone you don't really like that much, ask yourself why? Your reasons will probably be a little superficial. Then think about how you'd feel if someone disliked you before they even knew you. It's pretty crappy isn't it? If you're too busy judging someone, you have no time to love them.
So what are you ganna do? Judge or love?

Yours
19 Year Old Nadine

Letter 4: Dont forget to have fun!

Dear 16 year old self,

This year I've had a lot of time to focus on myself and reflect on my life this far... And what I realized is that in my 19 years of life, I should have lived a little more... 

Don't get me wrong, I had fun... But I feel like I felt the need, when I was a teenager to behave like an adult. And therefore I was always the mature one. 

This year I spent the year letting go, which is quite funny considering this is the time I'm meant to start behaving like an adult... But I feel like a bigger kid than I ever was growing up. It's awesome. This has probably been the most fun year I've had in my life.

I have no regrets I mean 19 is a great age to act like a kid in South Africa, you're legal to go party and drive... I can still be a kid but with some responsibility and more possibilities for fun :) 

I'm not saying go out and start doing drugs and drinking. What I want to tell you is that it's good to try new things! It's good to have adventures and to be a little rebellious when you're young. You have your whole life to be an adult, you're only young once: YOYO 

Whoa I just came up with a cool acronym, watch out Drake! 

So go out there and have fun. Don't get serious too young. Have lots of boyfriends, party a lot, eat fatty foods, sleep late, wake up late, make memories... Just be responsible about it. 

There are enough things in life to be serious about... But u can worry about that when you're old, right now, now is the time to live and make memories. 

YOYO

Love,

19 year old Nadine