Letter 22: Focus on You

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

Starting the third term of my third year I asked myself what I could do differently to relieve some of my stress in my everyday life and help myself get forward towards my goal. After some soul searching and countless hours of thinking about it in the shower I came to the conclusion that I worry about the people around me too much. When I realised this, I wanted to laugh at myself for putting so much time, energy and unnecessary stress into the actions and decisions of the people around me, when in actual fact...it has nothing to do with me.

For example, I've spent my time at college trying to help everyone around me and in my year do well. People who were lazy and unmotivated always had my help. I think I have quite a good work ethic and manage to stay on top of everything I have on my plate, so naturally I wanted to help those around me who were struggling. Which is perfectly normal. But are you really helping someone when they spent the entire year doing nothing in class, and then at the end of it they want your notes? Are you really helping someone when they are never in class and expect you to keep them updated about what they're missing? No. You're not.

And more than that, I took it upon myself to try and change the attitudes of the people around me, trying to help them see the point of the classes we're taking and why we should stick it out. The problem is majority of the people I study with will give up at the first indication that they're not going to get it first time, at the requirement of hard work, irregardless of the benefits. I am just not like that, I don't give up. But the amount of countless arguments and discussions I've had trying to change the minds of people who are too stubborn to see any point of view that isn't theirs, was too damn high.

So I stopped...or at least I am trying really hard to stop. When I hear people complaining, I try to brush it off and ignore them. You can't show people the rainbow if they're too focussed on the clouds. People choose what side of the world they want to see, for some, it is a horrible, gloomy place that is just out to get them. For others, like us, it's a bright and beautiful place where seeing the positive side of situations makes life great.

You may be too young to understand this, but you do grow up with a great ability to separate your personal life from your professional life, although sometimes you do let this slip up every now and then. But you need to focus, even when it's hard to get out of bed in the morning, even when you'd rather watch series instead of work you need to get yourself up and do what needs to be done, no matter how you feel. And I am telling you this now so that hopefully you'll be able to not repeat my mistakes, do not compete with anyone else. Your journey cannot be measured by the people around you, your journey is yours and yours alone. There is always going to be someone better than you, prettier than you, smarter than you but there is never going to be another you. And that is your strength, you are your own secret weapon. Sure using other people to push you to do better is always a good idea, but don't make someone ahead of you your focus, because you'll beat them and find that they had someone they were competing with. It's a never ending cycle. If anything, be better than the person you were yesterday.

I can tell you once I made these few changes I felt 100 times lighter and happier. Don't let other people's negativity affect you, they are just distracting you from achieving what you've set out to achieve for yourself. You're doing this for you, never forget that.

Yours,
21 Year Old Nadine