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Wednesday 9 December 2015

Letter 23: 10 Things 2015 Taught Me

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

So 2015 has been an extremely challenging year, just when I think I've got this life thing down, a new year comes in with new challenges. 2014 and 2015 have been two of the most challenging years of my life, so I thought I'd draw up a list of things I learnt this year:


  1. The less people know about your relationship, the better. You do not need to update your status every time you and your boyfriend have a fight or a break up for a day. In fact, keeping your relationship off social media completely, is probably the best thing you could do for it.
  2. Not everyone is going to like or understand you and your goals - that is okay. Focus on the people who love and support you no matter what, they're the only people you need. 
  3. Sometimes you just need to block out all the negativity being thrown at you, whether it's coming from friends, family, teachers or even yourself, you need to fight the urge to break down and runaway from your problems sometimes, in order to get the job done. No matter how exhausted you are, you can do it.
  4. Some friends aren't forever and you're going to lose people you expected to have in your life for years. But people grow, people change. You grow and you change, and this may mean you outgrow certain friends, this is okay. No matter how heartbreaking it may be, it is a part of life.
  5. You are the only person who knows exactly what you are capable of and you need to believe in your abilities 24/7, you cannot allow doubt to creep in because that will cause others to doubt you. You need to start everyday by giving yourself a little pep talk in the mirror, hold your head up like the queen you are.
  6. You cannot control everything in your life. Believe in what you want and that, when the time is right, it will come to you.
  7. There is no need to judge people all the time, what is the point? All judging others does is bring unnecessary negativity into your own life. You need to stop looking for something bad to say about everyone you come across, stop trying to label people and accept them for who and what they are. 
  8. Social Media is the devil. If you're going to participate in social media activities there are many things you must remember: You do not know how your negative comment on someone's picture is going to affect them- if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it. Secondly who people are on social media and who they are in real life are two different people, don't decide you hate the one when you haven't gotten to know the other. Thirdly, I've said this before but it's still relevant, your self worth is not determined by the amount of followers you have on Instagram. 
  9. Lately it seems that Facebook is flooded with pictures giving us advice and life lessons etc - this is dangerous. You cannot follow every piece of "advice" posted into your Facebook newsfeed, it's silly - those pictures were made by one person with an opinion that they thought was important enough to share. If you need advice talk to a friend, a family member or someone who knows what is best for you.
  10. Your parents have your back no matter what.
P.S.
It's okay to cry.

I hope you're starting to figure things out, 16 Year old me, and that my letters have been helping you. 
I know you cannot wait to grow up but don't, it's a trap...stay 16 forever, this adult thing is hard. But luckily you have me to help you.

Until our next letter,

Yours,
21 Year Old Nadine

Thursday 23 July 2015

Letter 22: Focus on You

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

Starting the third term of my third year I asked myself what I could do differently to relieve some of my stress in my everyday life and help myself get forward towards my goal. After some soul searching and countless hours of thinking about it in the shower I came to the conclusion that I worry about the people around me too much. When I realised this, I wanted to laugh at myself for putting so much time, energy and unnecessary stress into the actions and decisions of the people around me, when in actual fact...it has nothing to do with me.

For example, I've spent my time at college trying to help everyone around me and in my year do well. People who were lazy and unmotivated always had my help. I think I have quite a good work ethic and manage to stay on top of everything I have on my plate, so naturally I wanted to help those around me who were struggling. Which is perfectly normal. But are you really helping someone when they spent the entire year doing nothing in class, and then at the end of it they want your notes? Are you really helping someone when they are never in class and expect you to keep them updated about what they're missing? No. You're not.

And more than that, I took it upon myself to try and change the attitudes of the people around me, trying to help them see the point of the classes we're taking and why we should stick it out. The problem is majority of the people I study with will give up at the first indication that they're not going to get it first time, at the requirement of hard work, irregardless of the benefits. I am just not like that, I don't give up. But the amount of countless arguments and discussions I've had trying to change the minds of people who are too stubborn to see any point of view that isn't theirs, was too damn high.

So I stopped...or at least I am trying really hard to stop. When I hear people complaining, I try to brush it off and ignore them. You can't show people the rainbow if they're too focussed on the clouds. People choose what side of the world they want to see, for some, it is a horrible, gloomy place that is just out to get them. For others, like us, it's a bright and beautiful place where seeing the positive side of situations makes life great.

You may be too young to understand this, but you do grow up with a great ability to separate your personal life from your professional life, although sometimes you do let this slip up every now and then. But you need to focus, even when it's hard to get out of bed in the morning, even when you'd rather watch series instead of work you need to get yourself up and do what needs to be done, no matter how you feel. And I am telling you this now so that hopefully you'll be able to not repeat my mistakes, do not compete with anyone else. Your journey cannot be measured by the people around you, your journey is yours and yours alone. There is always going to be someone better than you, prettier than you, smarter than you but there is never going to be another you. And that is your strength, you are your own secret weapon. Sure using other people to push you to do better is always a good idea, but don't make someone ahead of you your focus, because you'll beat them and find that they had someone they were competing with. It's a never ending cycle. If anything, be better than the person you were yesterday.

I can tell you once I made these few changes I felt 100 times lighter and happier. Don't let other people's negativity affect you, they are just distracting you from achieving what you've set out to achieve for yourself. You're doing this for you, never forget that.

Yours,
21 Year Old Nadine

Wednesday 27 May 2015

Letter 21: it's going to be okay

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

I write this sitting in the waiting room at Tiger Wheel and Tyre, where they are attaching and realigning my new tyre to my fairly new car. You see, the week I've been having hasn't been going too great. I'm stressed with exams, trying to piece together the remains of my social life plus I just got some really bad news about someone I really love... Then this morning on the way to college, actually when I arrived to college, I punctured my wheel on the pavement because of course, the parking was closed today. Then while trying to call my roadside assistance, I ran out of air time. 

Of course I just burst into tears right then and there. It wasn't just the tyre it was just everything. I just feel so exhausted and today, was just a bad day. 

Anyways, why am I writing you? Because on my way to Tiger Wheel and and Tyre, I was barely keeping it together... I was angry and sad and emotional, I guess you could say I was a cocktail of emotions. It wasn't fun being me today. But then when I stopped at the traffic light, I looked up and noticed how pretty the clouds looked today. They were beautiful, looked like a painting done by some hipster artist...and I realized everything isn't bad. But I almost let my bad day distract me from noticing the beautiful work of the sky today. And that made me feel silly and put all my problems in to perspective. There are bigger things and although I've had a bad day, my life isn't bad, is it? 

No matter how bad your day is, just remember you need the bad days, bad weeks or months even, to appreciate the great ones.

And if you're looking for a reason to smile, just look up. It will be okay.

Yours,
21 Year Old Nadine.

Monday 13 April 2015

Letter 20 : Never Change

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

You're one of the most confident people I know, I know this because I was you not so long ago...You believe in your dreams and you have no problem chasing them head on. But somewhere along the line, this confidence starts to fade a little, it happens in different places.

When you start at high school, you start telling yourself you're stupid and eventually you start believing it, after high school due to negative people and the real world attacking you with full force, you start believing that your dreams are way too big for you to fulfil.

I've been in a bad space lately, a space that has caused me to doubt the path I'm on and everyday, I wish I was more like you, more like I used to be.

But here's what I've evaluated from thinking about where I am right now and the space I feel like I am stuck in.
 My feelings:
- Unmotivated
- Unsupported
- Lazy
to mention but a few.
I just feel trapped, as if I've hit my peak and I can't break through this ceiling thats keeping me in, it's the most frustrating thing ever. But then I thought, I'm not unsupported, I have family and a few friends who support me no matter what, people who go out of the way to do things for me. Being lazy and unmotivated are two things that I can fix. I just have to keep pushing and stop measuring my success according to those around me.

Just remember, 16 Year Old me, the race is only with yourself, the best that you can do in life is try to be better than the person you were yesterday or last week or last year.

You have everything you need to succeed, and I'm hoping that you won't make the mistakes I have in the past by doubting myself. Your confidence will be called many things as you grow up, but stay humble and focus on your goals and I promise you, you'll be fine. Maybe you'll even end up doing more before I was able to.

I do hope you'll take my advice, I wish someone had sent me this letter when I was a teenager.

Yours,
21 Year Old Nadine

Saturday 21 February 2015

Letter 19: Things are changing

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

When I turned 18, people kept telling me how thin I was getting. And it was great, at first I was offended, because I never considered myself fat before, but when I looked at old pictures I had realised that I had lost some baby fat. So that was awesome. I was eating whatever I liked and I didn't have to pay the price for it.

Then I started studying dance full-time and I got even thinner, I finally got the confidence to wear crop tops and shorts all the time. It was AWESOME.

Then a few months ago, I noticed my clothes were a bit tighter, but still fit, especially my jeans and shorts etc. And I turned around to look in the mirror to find an ass. I was quite happy to actually have a booty, my body was balancing itself out which was something I had wanted for a while...

It was a few months later when shit hit the fan. I was sitting on my knees and I looked at my calves and you wouldn't believe what I saw....
CELLULITE!!!!!!!

OMG. I almost had a breakdown. I was googling up all the causes of cellulite and how to get rid of it. One of my searches included, "Does having cellulite mean I am fat?" The answer was no, to my relief. Turns out lots of women have cellulite, I was just lucky enough to only receive this right of passage at 20. But now instead of using my gradual tanning moisturiser on my legs, I have to use Firming lotion, but it smells nice so I guess thats cool.

Why am I telling you this story, you ask?

Well this ordeal made me question what I consider to be beautiful and okay in a woman. I've always been the kind of girl to say "Big girls are beautiful.", "Be confident in your body", "Love yourself. But I realised that I was being a hypocrite without knowing it, because the moment I had a hint of fat my confidence went to zero. Which is stupid.

Media keeps telling us whats beautiful and what's not. Superstars are only really made a focus in pop culture when they are near being stick thin. And that's not okay. It makes us normal people think that we should be thin to be accepted in society, and that is not true. The people who love you won't care if you pick up 5kg in the space of a month.

I was speaking to a girl, that was overweight, about her insecurities. She said that she hates being called fat and that it really hurts her feelings. A few weeks later we had another conversation regarding an overweight celebrity and she was being horribly rude about how fat the woman was and how it didn't look nice. And that baffled me because she knew exactly what it was like to be judged by the way she looked yet she was doing the EXACT SAME THING.

Whether we admit it to ourselves or not,
we are all a bit shallow.

But your body is yours. Take care of it, eat right and exercise and you should be happy with it. Whether you're big or small find the confidence to accept your body, There's nothing more liberating than accepting your body. Or if you don't like it, don't sit around complaining about what you look like, get out there and fix it. No one else will do it for you.

Women just need to stop body shaming each other, it's silly and unproductive.
And 16 Year Old Self, just a reminder for four years time: Cellulite it okay.

Yours,
20 Year Old Nadine

Monday 12 January 2015

Letter 18: Fall in Love

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

I remember at the beginning of my 16th year, I thought I knew what love meant and what it was like to really love someone...but I was wrong... I only learned what it was to love by the end of that year. When you're young you're gonna mistake a lot of things for love, infatuation is the biggest culprit of this. As the years have passed and I enter my 21st year, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what it means to love somebody. There's no set rules saying what love is or what it's meant to feel like, if it was it would be a great time saver and it would save us all some heartache...

I measure my love for someone on how sad I'd be if I lost them. I don't cry for anybody...So if I cry for someone, you know they are close to my heart.

When I was younger I didn't know what kind of love I deserved, but I have come up with a pretty solid idea of what I want and deserve from love and therefore it has made dating hell, because I've been searching for something so specific that not anyone could fill that void in my life. So you may ask me what my point is, 16 Year Old Self, my point is that I'm going to share what you should look for when falling in love.

A guy who thinks you're the most beautiful human being in the world, not because you're superficial, but because you need someone who only has eyes for you and that you always feel like you're good enough for. A guy that makes you melt when he looks at you because you fall in love with the way he looks at you. If he loves you he'll make you feel beautiful, he'll make you feel flawless without needing to say a thing to you

But it is important that you fall for someone who loves your mind, who understands you without needing to explain your point. A guy that listens to your crazy ideas and smiles because you're cute, who sits and listens to your dreams, your fears. A man who knows you well enough that as soon as you give him a certain look when you're uncomfortable around friends, he comes to your rescue.

You deserve a boy who comes over when you're exhausted from a long trip and all you want to do is sleep, and he sits and strokes your hair as you sleep on his lap. A man who watches all your girly series with you and takes you to watch chick flicks. But find a man who challenges you, makes you rethink your opinions, forces you to see things from a different perspective. Fall in love with someone who makes you want to be a better person because you look at him and see the potential for such amazing things. The type of guy that makes you think that if there were more people like him in the world, it would be a better place.

Love is about knowing when to give each other space and when to interfere. You need to find a guy who is good at this, and he won't be at first, this comes with really knowing someone... A guy that isn't insecure about you not spending time with him, that likes your friends and that loves having them around and seeing you with them.

When you are in love with someone you are not afraid to get mad at them or argue with them because you know that they're not going anywhere. That's not an excuse to treat him like shit though, but you need someone you can have passionate fights with because that's part of a healthy relationship, when you're fighting it means you both care.

So many people think that when you're in love you need to tell your partner everything, that you have to know every single thing about them. I don't believe that is true. When you're in love you are going to have secrets, things you don't feel the need to tell your partner, things that you know that if he found out it wouldn't be a problem but they're still your own little secrets. If you knew everything about one another, there'd be no more adventure. 

Every love cannot strive without trust, and your partner may flaw, he may break your trust over and over again, we are only human. But love is more forgiving than anything else in the world. So please be careful that you don't allow your love to cloud any judgement, I always believe in forgiveness but do not give people the chance to hurt you again...or do. Do it a hundred times. Because when you are in love you're going to do things that people will call you stupid for and judge you because they may not understand your feelings... but always love...always trust love. Getting hurt is a small risk you take for falling for someone, it's up to you to take it.

You deserve roses, as cliche as that may sound, and romantic dates, but when you're in love, you'll know that none of that matters.. you'll be happy just to spend every Friday night alone in your room with him, and that would be considered the most romantic time ever.

This is just a small list and I could write forever about what it's like to fall in love and what it should be like, but you need to figure it out for yourself. Start your own love story and as scary as it may be, fall in love. Over and over again. Always choose love. Honest, passionate, magic love. Be crazy for love, be crazy IN love. And find a man who is crazy in love with you... he's closer than you think 16 Year Old Self, in fact...he's right under your nose. Just trust your instinct.


Till our next letter,
20 Year Old Nadine