I remember at the beginning of my 16th year, I thought I knew what love meant and what it was like to really love someone...but I was wrong... I only learned what it was to love by the end of that year. When you're young you're gonna mistake a lot of things for love, infatuation is the biggest culprit of this. As the years have passed and I enter my 21st year, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what it means to love somebody. There's no set rules saying what love is or what it's meant to feel like, if it was it would be a great time saver and it would save us all some heartache...
I measure my love for someone on how sad I'd be if I lost them. I don't cry for anybody...So if I cry for someone, you know they are close to my heart.
When I was younger I didn't know what kind of love I deserved, but I have come up with a pretty solid idea of what I want and deserve from love and therefore it has made dating hell, because I've been searching for something so specific that not anyone could fill that void in my life. So you may ask me what my point is, 16 Year Old Self, my point is that I'm going to share what you should look for when falling in love.
A guy who thinks you're the most beautiful human being in the world, not because you're superficial, but because you need someone who only has eyes for you and that you always feel like you're good enough for. A guy that makes you melt when he looks at you because you fall in love with the way he looks at you. If he loves you he'll make you feel beautiful, he'll make you feel flawless without needing to say a thing to you
But it is important that you fall for someone who loves your mind, who understands you without needing to explain your point. A guy that listens to your crazy ideas and smiles because you're cute, who sits and listens to your dreams, your fears. A man who knows you well enough that as soon as you give him a certain look when you're uncomfortable around friends, he comes to your rescue.
You deserve a boy who comes over when you're exhausted from a long trip and all you want to do is sleep, and he sits and strokes your hair as you sleep on his lap. A man who watches all your girly series with you and takes you to watch chick flicks. But find a man who challenges you, makes you rethink your opinions, forces you to see things from a different perspective. Fall in love with someone who makes you want to be a better person because you look at him and see the potential for such amazing things. The type of guy that makes you think that if there were more people like him in the world, it would be a better place.
Love is about knowing when to give each other space and when to interfere. You need to find a guy who is good at this, and he won't be at first, this comes with really knowing someone... A guy that isn't insecure about you not spending time with him, that likes your friends and that loves having them around and seeing you with them.
When you are in love with someone you are not afraid to get mad at them or argue with them because you know that they're not going anywhere. That's not an excuse to treat him like shit though, but you need someone you can have passionate fights with because that's part of a healthy relationship, when you're fighting it means you both care.
So many people think that when you're in love you need to tell your partner everything, that you have to know every single thing about them. I don't believe that is true. When you're in love you are going to have secrets, things you don't feel the need to tell your partner, things that you know that if he found out it wouldn't be a problem but they're still your own little secrets. If you knew everything about one another, there'd be no more adventure.
Every love cannot strive without trust, and your partner may flaw, he may break your trust over and over again, we are only human. But love is more forgiving than anything else in the world. So please be careful that you don't allow your love to cloud any judgement, I always believe in forgiveness but do not give people the chance to hurt you again...or do. Do it a hundred times. Because when you are in love you're going to do things that people will call you stupid for and judge you because they may not understand your feelings... but always love...always trust love. Getting hurt is a small risk you take for falling for someone, it's up to you to take it.
You deserve roses, as cliche as that may sound, and romantic dates, but when you're in love, you'll know that none of that matters.. you'll be happy just to spend every Friday night alone in your room with him, and that would be considered the most romantic time ever.
This is just a small list and I could write forever about what it's like to fall in love and what it should be like, but you need to figure it out for yourself. Start your own love story and as scary as it may be, fall in love. Over and over again. Always choose love. Honest, passionate, magic love. Be crazy for love, be crazy IN love. And find a man who is crazy in love with you... he's closer than you think 16 Year Old Self, in fact...he's right under your nose. Just trust your instinct.
Till our next letter,
20 Year Old Nadine
