It's been some time since I last wrote you, my apologies, life has gotten quite hectic these past few months. I'm finally in fourth year of studies and the work is more demanding than ever. As it is our final year of college, we've been told to start determining what our product is and what our raw form truly is - basically what we have to offer the industry. It's been hard because what we think our product is, is not always what we really have to offer but instead, what we would like to offer.
The exercise has been especially challenging as we have been forced to confront who we are, how other people interpret us and what aura we give off - whether we like it or not. When I started I drew up a list of who I think I am and I realised how different I am now to who I was a few years ago.
Since I left high school I've been a thousand different people; the loud theatre girl who loved singing and dancing, The girl who partied every single week, the girl who isolated herself so she could focus on her goals, the girl who became extremely conscious of who she was in other people's eyes and tried to change it to be liked and finally, the girl who accepted the things she didn't like about herself and learned to work with it to benefit herself and her goals.
Its very easy with Facebook and Instagram to feel the need to keep up with others and to become a certain type of person, a lot of people these days base themselves on who they follow on social media. We edit how we dress, how we talk, places we like to go, the music we listen to and the people we hang out with in order to fit in to the growing global community that is social media. As much as we like to say it will never happen to us, somehow it does because whether you know it or not, people judge you every time you upload a picture on Instagram and you know you can control their thoughts of you with what you post, whether it is true or not.
But at the end of the day, that is not a life, at least not a truthful one and I am a firm believer that you won't find happiness until you've found your inner truth and lived it. Ask yourself, what do you like when no one else is watching, what clothes would you wear if nobody else was looking, what music would you listen to if the radio wasn't dictating your playlists - these are the things that will bring you happiness and believe it or not, the right people will accept your truth and accept you.
We're so conscious of what others think, I get told I'm too loud, my accent is too 'coloured', my views are too feminist, my hair is too bushy, I'm too sensitive, I overdress, I underdress, I dance too provocatively, laugh too loudly, that my boobs are too big, that I'm losing too much weight - honestly I could go on for days. But the thing is, I'm okay with all of those things, I don't get offended when people tell me these things, they're just not at the right point in their lives to accept my truth because they haven't yet accepted theirs. That's the thing, until you accept your own truth, you'll be unable to accept the truth of anyone around you and that is the truth.
It's easy to say, but accepting your truth can be very hard because you have to accept yourself in your true state, under the make up, the hair, the clothes and the fake smiles. You need to change the voice in your head that tells you that you're not good enough and make it like you, make it cheer you on. Like I said before, you need to be your own best friend.
I know at 16 you may not understand what I mean just yet, but one day you will and hopefully you'll be thankful that I warned you well ahead of the time... your 20s is all about discovering who you are, you have four years before you get to board this rollercoaster, I hope you're preparing for it.
When I did "Legally Blonde: The Musical" in my second year, they quoted William Shakespeare; "To Thine own self be true" - my new motto in life.
Until next time,
Yours,
21 Year-Old Nadine
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