Letter 3: Don't Give Up

Dear 16 year old self,

Today, I wanted to give up. 

I am studying performing arts, mainly as a Dance major for first year. I knew this would be a challenge at the beginning of the year... But I took it on. 

Im not the strongest dancer in the class, I know that I am not going to be a dancer but it's part of what I want to do, which is perform and therefore I work at it. I spent this whole year putting blood an sweat into dancing and stretching my body to new limits. 

I do Modern, tap, jazz and ballet. Ballet being the hardest for me. At the beginning of the year I hated it. I couldnt do it. I couldn't balance or maintain my turnout... But after a few months I started to enjoy it. 

At my college you either get to do the international exam or the national exam. Depending on how good you are. My teacher suggested I do the national ballet exam... And for some reason it really got to me. And I cried. And for the first time in my life I questioned the industry I have chosen... I realized that sometimes I'm just not going to be good enough and I'll have to accept that I'm not the best. It was a reality that almost made me want to drop dancing completely and be a musical theatre major only and not a double major...

It would make sense for me to drop it. I mean whats the point of me pushing myself in something I'm obviously not naturally good at. I should stick to what I know: singing... But then I realized... If everyone just stuck with what they were comfortable with, there would be no progress in the world... There would be nothing new, no excitement. 

So after various pep talks and hugs I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. I may not be the best ballerina, I don't even want to be a Ballerina, but whether I like it or not, ballet is a stepping stone and the foundation I need, to get to where I want to be. Therefore I decided to suck it up. I'm still going to work towards an international exam... One thing about me is that when someone tells me I can't do something, I usually work extra hard to prove them wrong.

That's exactly what you're going through now in grade 10. I remember in grade 9 they suggested that I didn't do physics as my marks weren't good enough. I cried about it... But decided to prove them Wrong... And you know what, there will be times when u feel like kicking yourself for choosing the subject, you'll go through different tutors and study techniques trying to get it into your head.... But it's all going to be worth it... Because by the time u get to Matric, u pass physics (and it's not a government pass either! Bachelors pass girl) ! Which is a lot more than your teachers ever expected you to do. And that, that is the best feeling ever...

Life is going to be filled with situations where u feel like it would be better to just give up. But don't. You don't grow as a Person by running away... You grow by facing challenges head on. For you it's physics, for me it's ballet. There will be more challenges, but you were built strong. You're not weak. You're a survivor. And whatever that thing is you think you can't do.... Ask yourself why not? 

If not why not?!

You'll find most times your reason is mainly just cause you're afraid of failing... But without failure there is no progress. 

Now go out there and do what they said you couldnt do. 

Yours,

19 year old Nadine 

Letter 2: A thousand friends on Facebook does not make you popular

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

You're at the place in our life where all your friends have Blackberries...and you are the loser with a Samsung flip phone that can only log onto MXit. This doesnt change till you get to Matric...and you're going to rant and rave about why you need a Blackberry until you receive it, and realize it's not all that.

I remember getting my Blackberry, and being overwhelmed by how popular I was all of a sudden. People invited me out, I was involved in plans and decision within my friendship group...It was like someone had finally given me a platform where everyone of my friends were connected to me all the time. It felt good. I remember the first night I had a Blackberry and went to bed...The damn phone wouldnt stop buzzing, eventually I put it on silent so I could sleep in peace.

It was nice for a while, i felt like people actually cared about me. If I made a sad status, someone I didnt even know would ask me if i wanted to talk about it. People got involved with my life and I got involved with theirs. Very quickly my contact list reached the 200s... but eventually people started to lose interest. I no longer got messages every time I made a sad status, sometimes I had to go looking for plans. I remember nights I sat going through my contact list waiting for someone to message me... It made me feel pretty bad about myself...

You know by now how unlucky you are with cell phones, and that doesnt change when you get your Blackberry. My blackberry has drowned 3 times before it died for real. Being subjected to a life of just Whatsapp made me realize something...Having thousands of contacts on BBM and friends on Facebook means nothing...I depended so much on those social media relationships for happiness that when it disapeared I felt like my social life had died with it.

The fact is, your real friends arent the ones who are always in your business on BBM, Twitter or Facebook... those people are just interested in you for what kind of gossip they can spread about you later. Your real friends are the ones that call you, when you want to hang out. That make an effort to find out your new number on Whatsapp and message you. That visit you or take you out when they know you're down.

You shouldnt depend on the "friends" you have on Facebook, because a thousand friends means nothing if you're alone when you need your friends the most. Focus more on the relationships that are real rather than the fake ones and be wise enough to know the difference. It's going to be hard, sometimes you're not going to know the difference. But you'll learn. I mean that's what life is about right? Learning.

Your friends are important. You're going to need them more than anything as you grow older... They'll be your foundation for the person you become.

And try not to post everything on Facebook...I know it's hard, it took me so long to learn that somethings are personal and shouldnt be aired for everyone to know. You'll be surprised how much you change regarding social networks... somewhere down the line Facebook came up with a Timeline...You should check yours out and see how much you've grown since you started Facebook to present day. How much your friends have changed and how they've influenced you as a person. Its crazy.

Just remember 1 real friend who is there for you when you need them, is worth a whole lot more than 1000 Facebook friends.

Yours,
19 Year Old Nadine

Letter 1: It's not the end of the world.

Dear 16 Year Old Self,
You're probably wondering why I've decided to write to you... 3 years down the line, a lot has happened. Things have changed. And your life is nothing like you thought it would be.

In your 16th year everything changes. Your first boyfriend and you finally call it quits... You leave him for another guy... and when that happens you feel like you've made the biggest mistake of your life. You're going to be sad. For a while. You'll feel like no one really understands what you're going through. You'll fight with the people you love and try and place blame elsewhere even though you know, it was all you. That's something you'll learn this year... Taking responsibility for your actions and forgiving yourself.

It is not the end of the world.

It's actually really simple... Everything you could ever want is standing right under your nose, you're just too stubborn to accept it for yourself. I know you don't see it now, but being 16 in 2010 was the best year of your life. Your friendship circle is at it's peak. Everyone likes each other, there's no drama... Trust me that will change. By the end of the year your friends will all have issues with each other, no one will want to hang out anymore because people are changing. Some friends will start experimenting, drinking and even smoking. And you, being the good girl you've always been will stay away from these things. That's something you won't regret when you're older. You held on to your childhood as long as you could... You have your whole life ahead of you to do those things.

Your problems will only get bigger. Your heart will get broken a few more times, but you'll tell yourself that it's worth it, because of how happy he makes you... and you know what, it is. That's the thing about life... Happiness comes at a price, the things you go through to achieve that happiness, make it worth it. And I can tell you 3 years down the line, you're still okay. You're stronger....
And you know why?

Because you never gave up on what you wanted. You did what was best for you. Always. You're going to be okay Nadine. Life will keep throwing curve balls at you, and sometimes you'll feel like the ground has been ripped from under you... but it will be okay. Because you're a strong, independent woman and you can do anything.

Whatever you're going through now...I know it seems like the end of the world... But it's not.
It doesn't get easier... You just get stronger.

But I'll be here, sharing what I've learned since I was 16...because I wish I had someone writing me letters, telling me what to do when I was 16 and lost and confused.

You're going to achieve such great things. You just need to learn to let go and start living life. You're going to be okay.

Trust me. I've been there.

19 Year Old Nadine