I remember my matric year, in the middle of studying for my final exams feeling sorry for myself. I hated the fact that my life was being controlled by subjects I didn't like but had to pass to have some sort of future. I remember telling myself that if I just got through those exams, then next year I wouldn't ever have to feel that way again...I'd be free to do what I love and study things that I am passionate about.
It's safe to say that I was in shock when I started college. Being pushed into the dance major stream because I "had potential" for dance, and got to do Musical theatre as a side thing, whenever my dance schedule allowed for it. It's taken me a year and a half to realise that I am in the same head space I was in during my matric year. Studying, trying to excel at something that isn't my natural talent. Don't get me wrong, I love dancing...But it is not my first love. Singing is my first love. And because I had to focus so much on dance the past 18 Months, my singing has taken the backseat. It's horrible.
Anyways, let me tell you about life as a dancer. My 2nd year class consists of about 7 people this year, each has their own strength in dance. Majority of them have flexibility for days and talent pouring out of their ears. I don't mind not being the best in a dance class, I know that I am not and I also know that I have much room for improvement. And I know that since the beginning of last year I have shown a crazy amount of improvement... but for what. My teachers still look at me like I am wasting my time, year after year they tell me that I shouldn't be in that class, that I should be doing something else. And they're right. I should be doing something else, but I know that doing higher dance levels will benefit me more in the future when I leave for the industry. It's just hard when you feel like nothing that you do is good enough. Because I work my ass off, I am in class everyday and I know my stuff, yet I still get treated as the outcast student. It sucks.
Okay you're probably wondering why I am giving you all this depressing news about my life. Well here is the reason: I've realised that I am the only person who is gonna have my back. I'm the only person who can motivate myself to do better, to keep moving forward. No one else is going to do it for me, everyone else is too busy trying to move forward with their lives. You need to be your own best friend. When times get tough you need to dig into yourself, into that deep place within and remember why you started, remember where you're going and most importantly remember how you are getting there. Because this journey is yours and yours alone, you are the only person who can carry yourself to the finish line. You can lie down and give up where you are, and let the others lap you or you can push and try and do everything in your power to move forward.
No one can change your perception of yourself, and no one can take your dreams away from you. Whether it's exams, horrible teachers, sports, friends, work etc getting you down...You have all you need to push through.
No one knows you better than you know yourself. You know your limits, you know your strengths, and work with them.
Your best friend,
20 Year Old Nadine.
