Letter 12: Learning to be silent

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

So it's been an interesting week, I went to see the ENT specialist on Monday and he informed me that I was developing nodes on my vocal chords.But he assured me that it's nothing some heavy medication and vocal rest couldn't cure. So I spent my week on Cortisone tablets (8 a morning) and lots of water and no singing.

The real challenge came this weekend though, I was put on strict vocal rest for 48 hours straight. Anyone who knows me knows I talk... A LOT. But it was actually easier than I thought it would be. The hardest part was not talking to my pets... LOL you try telling your dog to go outside without saying anything. Also getting my mom to understand that I couldn't respond in conversations was also challenging for me.

I found that I was pretty chilled, I didn't expect people to understand me, because I wasn't using words. So when I needed to say something I had to find another way to communicate it. It was interesting, and the funny part was that people were getting more frustrated with my not talking than I was at not being able to make them understand.

I am normally the person who says everything that's on her mind, whether it's nice or not. If someone asks a stupid question I reply with a sarcastic answer. This weekend I could just ignore those stupid questions with great effort because there was no need to give a sarcastic or smart answer. It's so liberating. LOL. It made me realise that there's a lot of things that come out of my mouth that are unnecessary, things that I say that do not make anything better or help anyone's lives and if my words don't do that then what am I doing but wasting my breath?

I'm not saying you should go out tomorrow and refuse to speak to anyone, I'm saying "monitor the words that come out of your mouth" are they good words? How will they make people feel after I say them? Do I absolutely need to say this? A lot of the time you'll find that the comments you want to make are better kept to yourself.

I remember when I was in Primary school they did a talk on bullying. The lady did a demonstration using a tube of toothpaste which she emptied. She said that it was easy to get all the toothpaste out but impossible to get it back inside the tube, she taught us that it's the same with words. Once they're out. They're out.

So before you speak, think about it. Is this something I want out in the world?

Goodluck :)
Oh and Happy New Year :)

Yours,
19 Year Old Nadine