When I turned 18, people kept telling me how thin I was getting. And it was great, at first I was offended, because I never considered myself fat before, but when I looked at old pictures I had realised that I had lost some baby fat. So that was awesome. I was eating whatever I liked and I didn't have to pay the price for it.
Then I started studying dance full-time and I got even thinner, I finally got the confidence to wear crop tops and shorts all the time. It was AWESOME.
Then a few months ago, I noticed my clothes were a bit tighter, but still fit, especially my jeans and shorts etc. And I turned around to look in the mirror to find an ass. I was quite happy to actually have a booty, my body was balancing itself out which was something I had wanted for a while...
It was a few months later when shit hit the fan. I was sitting on my knees and I looked at my calves and you wouldn't believe what I saw....
CELLULITE!!!!!!!
OMG. I almost had a breakdown. I was googling up all the causes of cellulite and how to get rid of it. One of my searches included, "Does having cellulite mean I am fat?" The answer was no, to my relief. Turns out lots of women have cellulite, I was just lucky enough to only receive this right of passage at 20. But now instead of using my gradual tanning moisturiser on my legs, I have to use Firming lotion, but it smells nice so I guess thats cool.
Why am I telling you this story, you ask?
Well this ordeal made me question what I consider to be beautiful and okay in a woman. I've always been the kind of girl to say "Big girls are beautiful.", "Be confident in your body", "Love yourself. But I realised that I was being a hypocrite without knowing it, because the moment I had a hint of fat my confidence went to zero. Which is stupid.
Media keeps telling us whats beautiful and what's not. Superstars are only really made a focus in pop culture when they are near being stick thin. And that's not okay. It makes us normal people think that we should be thin to be accepted in society, and that is not true. The people who love you won't care if you pick up 5kg in the space of a month.
I was speaking to a girl, that was overweight, about her insecurities. She said that she hates being called fat and that it really hurts her feelings. A few weeks later we had another conversation regarding an overweight celebrity and she was being horribly rude about how fat the woman was and how it didn't look nice. And that baffled me because she knew exactly what it was like to be judged by the way she looked yet she was doing the EXACT SAME THING.
Whether we admit it to ourselves or not,
we are all a bit shallow.
But your body is yours. Take care of it, eat right and exercise and you should be happy with it. Whether you're big or small find the confidence to accept your body, There's nothing more liberating than accepting your body. Or if you don't like it, don't sit around complaining about what you look like, get out there and fix it. No one else will do it for you.
Women just need to stop body shaming each other, it's silly and unproductive.
And 16 Year Old Self, just a reminder for four years time: Cellulite it okay.
Yours,
20 Year Old Nadine
