I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, life has been a bit hectic. I literally haven't stopped working since my last letter. Fourth Year of college is hectic, but luckily I am doing something I love. Despite the busy schedule, I still find time to get anxious about the future. For the past 3 and a half years, I have been comfortable in the safe space of my college. But at the end of this year, that all comes to an end and I am going to be thrust into the big, bad world and forced to start adulting.
I know I've written to you in the past, saying that change is good and that you shouldn't be afraid to fall, because you might fly. But for some reason I am terrified of falling. I literally get anxiety every time I try to do something new; which is strange, because I love change. I guess, this has just been the moment I've been building up to my entire life and now that it's approaching, I'm kinda getting cold feet. What if it isn't everything I imagined? What if I fail horribly? There are so many things that could go wrong.
But at some point, I am going to need to get over these anxious thoughts and just get out of my own way. All the negative thoughts I've been having could become reality if I am not careful. So although I am still nervous about the future and what's to come...I just have to find ways to work around it because this might be how I feel for the rest of my life...But I can't let it stop me. I'm at a place now where I understand that the only person who can stop me from actually making something out of myself...is me. I can't blame my parents or my lecturers or my friends anymore. It's big person time, and that means taking responsibility for my attitude and the direction my life will take from this point.
I'm writing you about this to remind you not to be afraid of the unknown, maybe I'm writing you to convince myself that too. If you stay in your comfort zone for too long, you'll never get out. Your comfort zone, while a safe space, is dangerous- at least when you're still young. I think you're meant to feel anxious before you take big steps in life, I think it's the most natural thing ever. You can't let your fear of the unknown stop you from taking the next step, you just need to tell yourself that it happens to everyone and that your fear is just that, fear. It's not based on anything real, it's just based on what you've come up with in your mind. But remember, positivity breeds positivity.
So if you're going through anything terrifying right now, find a way to get over it. For every negative thought, think two positive thoughts- It sounds silly but I promise you, it will work. Yes, you don't know whats going to happen next but I think that's part of the fun, what keeps life interesting. So stop procrastinating, 16 Year Old Self. It's time to jump.
I hope you're ready to fly.
Yours,
22 Year Old Nadine
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